out of the hospital, not the woods

Sat, Nov 17th, 2007
my blood count went back to normal and my Hcg levels were almost down to 0 so the doctor said that i had turned the corner and was on my way back to normal. home now, all i want to do is forget what happened in the hospital. they are still getting a nasty letter though! (when i feel good enough to write it) it's taking all that i have to write this, but i know that it is good for me. i need to stay sitting up or walking around to keep the fluid moving. i lost almost 3 pounds since yesterday (171.8). that's good news although, last night i did lie down and had a panic attack b/c i couldn't breathe. then i noticed that unmentionable parts of me swelled up ... my reaction? WHAT THE @&$%? anyway, i went back to sleep sitting up for now on. i don't want another panic attack. Robert has gone to the store to get a few things that might help me with the fluid. i'm craving salty things and salt is the last thing i should be eating, so he is going to get me some fruit and veggies that are natural diuretics, and a thermometer. i think i was running a fever last night, which the doctor should know about, but the digital thermometer was dead. all i can say is that this body is not the one i was born with. i feel like a freak show. a few people have told me that now i know what it feels like to be pregnant, but i have to disagree. at least until they feel what THIS feels like. for starters you don't gain 25+ pounds in a matter of days, secondly, not every pregnant person has a life threatening fluid problem. i've known enough preggers to clearly see that what they are carrying is a baby not an extra store of water, enough to survive for 40 days, in case they get stranded in the sahara desert. thirdly, if this was the same as being pregnant, human life would have died out centuries ago. i know that i will NOT go through this again even if it means we do not get to have biological children! Robert concurs with me ... he has been scared for me quite a few times in the past week and we're not through yet.

wanna hear something funny? my doctor in the ER looked just like jeff goldblum! i couldn't stop looking intently at his face. and i could see it in his face that he noticed. he must have been thinking i was some kind of weirdo, making google eyes at him with my husband right there in the room. anyway, i still can't believe how much he resembled jeff goldblum. he even made little quirky, funny comments like jeff did in movies like The Fly and Jurrasic Park. Whoa! well, enough for now. i'll post again when something changes.