I'm very sad ...

I couldn't write todays posts all in one sitting.  I haven't kept up with reading about my blog-friends the past few weeks.  When I finally got around to it this week, I read about No Swimmers.  Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.  It's strange how we (blog-friends) come to care so much about each other and most of us have never met.  I felt my heart sink and my eyes swell up with tears.  Why?  Why does this have to be so hard?  We are good people and we will make the best parents! 

After going through all those emotions, of course I start to freak out yesterday because Skeletor has been pretty quiet lately.  Then I go to work and one of the foster grandparents asks me the usual questions (do you know what it is? -- when are you due?).  I tell her and then she looks at my belly and says "You're not that big!"  I'm like "what do you mean?"  Then the freak-out starts happening.  I left work and went to W.alM.art and bought one of those monitors that I can't seem to work.  I then ate everything that I had ever eaten when I have felt the baby move.  Nothing - on both accounts.  Couldn't hear the HB and couldn't feel any movement.  I had to do a HUGE reality check.  I can't freak myself out any more.  I'm driving myself insane.  So, I will have to offer prayers at a distance for those I hear of that have lost their babies.  Maybe in a few weeks I will be able to come back and offer some support to those of you going through hell.  It's not that I don't care, it's that I care too much.  I am offering up prayers every day for you.